It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything – my longest stretch of silence since I started this blog. I could say it was because the holidays were busy (because they were) or that my time and attention had been stretched thin (which they have) but both answers would just be excuses. The truth is, I haven’t written anything lately because I have become a bit lost inside of myself and the thought of putting a magnifying glass up to the inner-workings of my brain over the last few weeks sounded more like torture than comfort. Looking ahead to January brought me a lot of anxiety and my initial introductions to 2018 have been strained. It feels as though I’m meeting a friend-of-a-friend. It’s someone I should trust but I am unsure of their intentions. I had trust in 2017; it allowed me growth and left me and my family safe. 2018 is unknown and I am skeptical.
When the calendar moves forward to a new year there is always hope that our lives will be refreshed. Like when you refresh your web browser, it’s the same screen just reloaded and, ideally, void of the problems you experienced before. While I think we know that the year will change and the world will remain the same, waking up on January 1 to see that everything is just as it was on December 31 can feel slightly disappointing – as though a small part of you hoped that, just maybe, the world would come to its senses overnight or your own challenges would all of a sudden seem smaller. However, with that disappointment comes the realization that nothing changes without putting in effort.
So we make resolutions and goals and think to ourselves that this is the year that will be different. But I think a big component of setting resolutions and making goals for a new year is realizing that the challenges you have continually been faced with aren’t going anywhere and in order to overcome them, you have to get creative, because if you don’t get creative, nothing will change.
Personally, the beginning of 2018 is presenting me with a lot of challenges: some of which I’m well versed in but a few new ones have surfaced to keep it interesting. I had the best intentions of meeting these challenges with strength and grace. But even the best plans sometimes fail. And although these past few weeks have been more anxious and tearful than strong and graceful, I’m determined to get creative and work around these pitfalls. I’m determined to work on my goals and myself. I’m determined to start writing again and share where I succeed and where I fail. I’m determined to befriend 2018. I hope you’ll follow along and see if I’m successful.